At some point in our career, we begin to realize that we are far from where we started and yet so much more is possible. The ongoing shifts and changes of the expansion or our human consciousness has continually brought a barrage of awareness to my inner world. I am continually amazed as I watch people waking up to their greater potential, realizing that they are so much more than what they have been taught, nay trained, to believe. And for the changing tide to include those who have been marginalized for their independence of self, and for showing us how freeing it is to be, well, our Self.
I think the hardest part for me has been to not stop doing the inner work; to remove my own masks instead of others. In the past year I have realized the losses as well as the gains. I have reclaimed and disclaimed parts of myself or the stories I tell myself. I have released the past and welcomed the unknown future. But over all, I have gained the awareness of what Gandhi and all the other great philosophers and teachers have reiterated over time, and that is: to change myself is to change the world. And sometimes that when we do so, we step up to the tasks at hand even though it feels like we are taking a step back or down. Because when we do, we allow others to fill in the space we held, to shine up front and hold that special feeling while we become the solid ground.
Over the years I have purchased and read through a library of esoteric knowledge, both historical, theoretical and contemporary. Books, essays and texts written by diverse authors and artists who like myself are daring to dive into the realms of shadow and light all the while stumbling through the labyrinths of the inner realm to peel back the layers to get to one’s inner truth. Not the truth of this life, but that deep question of what is the Soul and why does it want to be me?
One never knows at what point in the process that the final deep-spiritual-dumpster-dive takes place. When that dark night of the soul occurs. But when it does, everything that was is finally peeled away leaving just the spark of what began, the eye of Source seeing itself as You. It’s hard to describe because it is different for each of us. But I can tell you that you will know it when it hits. You find out that you don’t really care about, well, things. My realization was that I am the glove the Soul is wearing to write its experience, an avatar, a proxy. This body, albeit a temple or house for the Soul, is what allows the Soul to move, taste, touch, feel, and play in the great organic realm we call our Universe. Whether I read cards at fair, dance skyclad in the moonlight, or offer intuitive healing, I do so for the personal-reality of the Soul. I walk forward aware there is a past but only the present matters. The future is written today, so make sure I Am Today and the future will birth from there.
There is definitely a period of re-connecting to the life you temporarily stepped away from and then returned. For me, I’ve let go my competitive edge, my delight to have a front table and my goal to write books, speak at conferences and create tarot decks. Instead I comfortably find myself feeling great joy in helping others to aspire to higher heights, to welcome their own intuitive gifts and release the binding cords of indoctrination and named descriptions. Just like welcoming my graying hair, oddly adjusting weight and waist, and the emergence of laugh-lines, I welcome stepping up to the plate to share my lessons-learned and hold space for others to expand and reach for the stars of their personal heavens. For I lose nothing in doing so, but instead gain everything.
One of my favorite memories of when I was younger, was to meet an older gentlemen who lived at and offered guided trail walks and talks in Yosemite Park. He must have been in his eighties at the time and was an honorary ranger. He lived there in a small cabin with minimal furnishings. But in his eyes was the world and the smile of life. In the short time I listened and shook his hand, I felt deep inside that here was a man who had so little in his cabin, but the universe showed in the sparkle of his eyes. His presence was so peaceful that it mesmerized me, and told me that he saw so much more than any words could describe. I have always aspired to be that person; to shine from within with an inner-peace, that knowing, a presence of place. This is what I see as stepping up. Because our presence is enough to shift anything.
And so I close this writing with these thoughts and questions: What would stepping up feel like to you? What are you willing to release to gain? How deep are you willing to go to Know Thyself?